Times Are Changin'

As Roxy Blue says, "Baby, I know times are changin'." And if you don't know who Roxy Blue is, that is probably because you aren't into obscure hair metal bands that only produced one album of any significance at all with a scantily clad female on the front cover that is no longer available for purchase.

Anyway, the Half Bad Boy Blog is coming to an end.

Yes, I am a little concerned about my readership. Hopefully both of them will see this post and follow me over to blog.mvryan.org, where the blogging will continue, hopefully a bit more free-form. See, the problem with having a themed blog is that it makes it hard to write about what you really want to write about. I want to write about whatever interests me and not a theme - even one as cool as half-badness.

I realized this in a couple of ways. The first was that I was feeling constrained in what I would blog about. For example, I might want to blog about technology or politics, but it didn't fit the theme. Lame! Then as I started poking around at other people's blogs, I found a lot of other themed ones, that seem really interesting in the beginning but after a while seem like they are just saying the same thing over and over again. Either that, or they really start to scrounge for stuff, like "Seven Tips For Reducing Stress In Your Life" (tip #1 - stop stressing) or "How To Simplify Your Life" (such as not using any technology at all - but this does not apply to the blogger who must use technology to produce the blog, etc.).

Uninteresting. The interesting blogs to read, if there are any, are more personal than that. And the interesting blogs to write are about whatever topics I care about, because by definition the categorization of something as "interesting" by my brain is entirely subjective. Suddenly my blog becomes the most interesting of all! If I can only cut loose.

Which I'm doing. Eventually. Not right away. But if you agree that stuff I may choose to blog about could be interesting enough for you to care, you should change your bookmark, or feed, or whatever to blog.mvryan.org instead. If, on the other hand, you are incorrect and don't find this stuff interesting, why are you even here? You should stay away. No offense. It isn't that I don't want you around. I'm just afraid I will have to moderate comments from people who wrongly think that my interests are not interesting. I believe I've made myself clear.

So. blog.mvryan.org. In case you missed it.

The Straight-Through-In-Alpha-Order-Music-Listening Experiment Update, Volume 3

Man, another month has passed on this experiment which has now been underway for four months. So here's where we stand:

• Current Artist - Album - Song: Def Leppard - Hysteria - Rocket
  
• Songs listened to: 1615
• Total songs: 9691
• Percentage complete: 16.67%
• Estimated completion: October 2010

AAAAAAAAHH! Two years to complete this experiment! Two years before I will be listening to Yngwie Malmsteen or ZZ Top! Something has to be done. I've simply got to listen to music more often.

One of the highlights of this period was The Cult a couple of weeks ago. Another highlight has been discovering some different types of stuff that I'd bought on recommendations, and hadn't really listened to all the way through before. So that was good. But the rest of the D's are looking pretty good. If I can get through the D's by next month, then I'll have enjoyed all of Def Leppard, Dokken, Dragonforce, and Dream Theater along with some other good stuff. Stay tuned.

Essential Albums: Y&T "In Rock We Trust"

Artist: Y&T
Album: In Rock We Trust
Year: 1984
Best Song You've Probably Heard: Don't Stop Runnin'
Best Song You Might Not Have Heard: This Time

Say what you will about the cheesy cover, the dorky album title, or the weird band name; Y&T's "In Rock We Trust" is so good that it is my favorite album from 1984, and that's really saying something. Consider other albums that we were all blessed with that year:

• Scorpions "Love at First Sting"
• Ratt "Out of the Cellar"
• The Cars "Heartbeat City"
• Dokken "Tooth and Nail"
• Twisted Sister "Stay Hungry"
• and, of course, Van Halen "1984"

That's some pretty awesome company. So you know what I'm saying when I tell you that this is my favorite album from that year.

Unless you are a pretty serious 80's metalhead you've probably not even heard of Y&T before, so you maybe haven't heard "Don't Stop Runnin'". It is probably the most popular song from this album and apparently still gets air time on radio and MTV. But it isn't the best song. "This Time" is an awesome heavy metal ballad, one of the best ever. "Life, Life, Life" is an example of the common 80's plea-for-peace topic, and is an excellent song. There's not a bad song on the album, but especially the first four songs in a row are really outstanding.

This album is pretty hard to come by legally in CD form, although not as bad today as when I found mine, used. Your best bet might be to just buy the MP3s directly from amazon.com. You won't be disappointed.

(Image credit: amazon.com)

College Football Wrapup 2008

Well, it was a great college football season.  It included some slight disappointments, like early season favorites Clemson and Georgia.  It included some refreshing surprises, like Utah and Alabama.  And it ended predictably, with yet another variant of intense BCS controversy.

Let's review the major conferences first:

• SEC - As expected, the SEC was strong.  What was unexpected was the strength of Ole Miss and Vanderbilt, and the collapse of Tennessee.  But the SEC continues to be what I love about football - incredible athletes with tough defenses and hard-fought battles every week.
• ACC - Clemson was a highly ranked preseason favorite that ended up having a mediocre season, but teams like Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech, and Miami had pretty good seasons.
• Big East - The Big East was a fairly weak conference, with only one team, Cincinnati, nationally ranked at the end of the year, and that team lost their bowl game.
• Big 10 - The biggest Big 10 disappointment had to be Michigan, who had one of their worst seasons ever.  Many Big 10 teams held higher rankings than they earned all year, based primarily on their name, history, and prestige.
• Big 12 - The Big 12 was a tale of two subdivisions.  The Big 12 North was comprised of one good team, Missouri, and five other also-rans.  The Big 12 South looked all year like the toughest conference in all of NCAA football, but they went 1-3 in their bowl games, so it makes you wonder.
• PAC 10 - As everyone expected, USC was really good, and as everyone expected, they lost one game to a conference opponent that they should have won.  But the PAC 10 has some truly awful teams, like Washington.
• Bonus: Mountain West - I think it's past time that we stop considering the Mountain West a mid-major conference.  The Mountain West went 6-2 against the PAC 10 this year, Wyoming beat Tennessee in Knoxville, and is probably stronger overall than the ACC or the Big East.  Playing a Mountain West schedule shouldn't penalize a teams strength of schedule anymore, and I think if we are going to keep this BCS nonsense, it is time for the Mountain West to have an automatic berth like the others - they've certainly shown over the past several years that they are good enough.

Let's review my bowl picks:

• Las Vegas Bowl - Correct.  I said whatever team Max Hall played for would win.  He went back and forth but ended up helping Arizona more than BYU, so Arizona won.  Can someone explain to me how BYU ended up nationally ranked at the end of the year and Arizona didn't?
• Poinsettia Bowl - Correct.  I picked TCU over Boise State.  They had me worried for a while but ended up pulling it off.
• Meineke Car Care Bowl - Correct.  I picked West Virginia and was right, although they were worrying me a bit also.
• Citrus Bowl - Correct.  Florida State was way too much for an overrated Wisconsin team to handle.
• Emerald Bowl - Correct.  Cal beat Miami in a good game.
• Alamo Bowl - Correct.  Missouri tried to let Northwestern win this one, but in the end they just couldn't give the victory away.

By this time I had gone 6 for 6 and I was having visions of getting all of my picks perfectly right.  Alas...

• Holiday Bowl - Incorrect.  I'd seen Oklahoma State play a number of times during the year, and I really thought they were better than that.
• Sun Bowl - Incorrect.  Oregon State surprised me.
• Chick-Fil-A Bowl - Incorrect.  Apparently LSU in disintegration mode is still better than Georgia Tech at their best.
• Citrus Bowl - Correct.  Finally I got another one right.  My SEC didn't let me down.
• Rose Bowl - Incorrect.  Penn State simply made too many mistakes to win.
• Orange Bowl - Incorrect.  Wow, was Cincinnati disappointing!
• Cotton Bowl - Incorrect.  Not to take anything away from Ole Miss, but I really thought Tech's offense would be too much for the Rebels to handle.
• Liberty Bowl - Correct.  East Carolina still is not a state.
• Sugar Bowl - Incorrect.  And happy about it.  But still, you have to admit that it was a surprise.
• Fiesta Bowl - Correct.  Ohio State played well but what an awesome drive by Texas to pull it off at the end.
• National Championship - Correct.  Oklahoma played Florida much better than I thought, particularly on defense.  The whole game came down to a handful of very key plays, and Florida won those key plays.
• Toilet Bowl - Correct.  ND C&D positively owns this bowl and this year was no exception as they destroyed Western Kentucky by the score of 3 to -17.

So overall, I correctly picked 11 of 18 games, or as my cynical friend said, about the same as picking them at random, which made me feel a lot better.  So what do we take from all of this?

• The BCS is a complete joke.  Each year it very successfully proves its own illegitimacy, and this year was no exception.
• The Big 12 South was not nearly so good as they seemed to be.  The high-flying offenses that seemed so amazing only seemed that way because the defenses were so lousy.
• The PAC 10 is better than we thought, which also means the Mountain West (6-2 against the PAC 10 this year) is better than most people think.
• This year's national champion, Florida, barely beat an Alabama team that Utah controlled well.  Florida is the national champion, but Utah is the best team this year.

Legitimacy for the BCS

It's popular every year to engage in the debate about the state of the BCS and how lousy a job it does, or not, in determining a national collegiate football champion.  And since I'm all about being popular, I thought I ought to jump in here and add to the noise a bit.  Maybe what I've got to say is a bit different though.  And maybe not.

I'm going to start with a basic premise about any championship series.  That premise is that it is possible for any participant to become the eventual champion of the series.  That's the promise of participation.  At the beginning of the season, every participant starts out at the same level as every other participant, and every participant can believe realistically that they have a shot at winning the overall championship.

Notice, I didn't say an equal shot.  Equality is certainly subjective, and in many championship series, there are many things that are not equal.  Ferrari has a much better chance than Force India to win the Formula One championship, and the Celtics have a better chance than the Jazz of winning an NBA title.  A lot of this has to do with money, markets, buying power, superior athletes, etc.

Still, the series itself gives every participant a fair chance to win.  There is nothing about the nature of the series that will make it so that an inferior competitor cannot win the championship.  If the Utah Jazz win enough games, they will make the playoffs - and if they make the playoffs and keep winning, they can eventually win the NBA title.  The championship is completely within the realm of possibility, something that is realistically achievable.

This, then, is the fundamental problem with the BCS.  I maintain that, in the BCS, not every participant has a chance to win the championship.  More precisely, there are a number of teams for which winning a championship is not possible, no matter what they do, without certain lucky circumstances also taking place that are outside of that team's control.

The recent Sugar Bowl game between Alabama and Utah really brings this into light.  Make no mistake, Alabama is legitimately one of the top football teams in the nation.  They deserved the BCS berth they were awarded.  They deservedly spent five weeks at the #1 spot in the nationwide polls.  And they were soundly beaten in a square, fair fight by Utah.  Soundly.  Beaten.

Consider this:  The only other team to beat Alabama this year was Florida.  Florida did not handle Alabama as well as Utah did - not even close.  And no other team - not Clemson, not Georgia, not Ole Miss, not LSU - managed to beat Alabama.  Alabama is a good team.

Utah is a better team.

Hey, even I wouldn't believe it beforehand.  Oh, I wanted to.  I wanted Utah to win.  But I just didn't think it would happen.

So, here you have Utah, who soundly beat an Alabama team that was the top-ranked team in the nation for nearly half of the regular season.  How can they not at least be considered as a candidate for the national title?

The common argument here is a strength of schedule argument.  Actually, Utah's strength of schedule was not that bad.  But strength of schedule is just an excuse.  Penn State, who lost soundly to USC in the Rose Bowl, very nearly went undefeated in the Big Ten.  Had they finished their season undefeated, this year they would have been playing for the national title.  It doesn't matter that the Big Ten is a relatively weak football conference these days - an undefeated Penn State plays for the national title this year.

The same goes for USC.  Who knows whether the PAC-10 is any good this year or not?  What I do know is that the Mountain West went 6-2 against the PAC-10 this year.  That implies that Utah's schedule is even stronger than it initially seems to be.

This is why I say the BCS as it currently stands is running the risk of being declared completely illegitimate.  Any team from any of the major six conferences has a chance of playing for the national title - all they have to do is go undefeated.  Strength of schedule does not matter for them.  But a team from outside the major six conferences?  That team pretty much has no chance of winning a national title, even if they do go undefeated the whole year.  Strengthening their schedule is a crapshoot - they might schedule a team like Michigan, only to find that they are not any good and did nothing to strengthen their schedule.  And what incentive do the major conference teams have to schedule the mid-majors?  It offers them no upside whatsoever, and is not necessary for them to win a national title.

It's going to be an interesting next few days for the BCS.  If Utah is not awarded a shared national title, in my opinion the BCS will prove that mid-major schools don't have a shot at winning the championship, thus proving that the system is broken.  And they will have to break their current rules in order to do the right thing.  This should provide for some very interesting discussion.

Shanahan's Future

So a couple of days ago the Denver Broncos fired their long-time coach, Mike Shanahan.

I can't say I'm surprised.  I've liked Shanahan, so I personally haven't exactly been hoping for the Broncos to replace him.  But I've kinda been expecting this for a few years now.

There's a lot of talk about loyalties - questioning what two Superbowl wins should be worth, can you really fire a guy that won two Superbowls, etc.  I'd ask the same question of a manager at any business anywhere in the country - does phenomenal success ten years ago, based in part upon the makeup of that manager's team, excuse mediocre performance today?  Or would a business expect continued performance?

The Broncos, admittedly, have a pretty high standard.  Shanahan wouldn't be having this problem at, say, Detroit.  But a .500 record over the past three seasons is just not going to cut it in Denver, especially with the talent there.  Managers are responsible for the performance of the teams they manage.  It's true in business and it's true in sports.  If the coach can't get the team to perform, it is time for a change.

So it's the end of the Mike Shanahan era in Denver.  The bad part of this is, I'm not sure who Denver will get that is any better.

This is, absolutely, positively, good news for Utah State though.  Why?  Uh, really?  You actually need to ask?  Obviously, Mike Shanahan is going to be the new head coach of Utah State University's football program.  And I'm very excited about that.

The Straight-Through-In-Alpha-Order-Music-Listening Experiment Update, Volume 2

Well here we are almost another month later already. Christmas is around the corner. Time for another update on the music experiment.

Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if I can stick to it. I've only made it part way through the C's so far, having listened to about 1150 songs of now nearly 7800. I still have a lot of C's to go - about 200 left still.

The C's hasn't been all bad. Of course, some of my wife's Celine Dion sneaked into my list somehow. I had to expunge it with extreme prejudice. But Collective Soul - ah, Collective Soul, one of the best bands ever. That has been a highlight of this experience so far. And don't forget Coldplay, Counting Crows, Creed, The Cult, The Cars, and Christina Aguilera - that naughty little tart with the incredible singing voice. Go ahead - make fun. I really do listen because of the voice. Although I had to suffer through a lot of her early bubble-gum pop garbage.

Anyway, like I said, there's a lot to like in the C's and it has been a pretty good ride. But at the current rate I'm not going to be done for over a year. Do I have the commitment to stick to this? And for what exactly?

No. No. I am going to stick to it. If I do well, I should be through Def Leppard in a month - and if I do really well, maybe through all the D's. Dream Theater is in there though, and that's like 200 songs, along with Dokken. D's are also looking pretty good, but I can I finish the D's in one month? Doubtful.


(Image credit: wireshark.com via imdb.com)

Essential Albums: Queensryche "Operation: Mindcrime"

Artist: Queensryche
Album: Operation: Mindcrime
Year: 1988
Best Song You've Probably Heard: Eyes of a Stranger
Best Song You Might Not Have Heard: Suite Sister Mary

Wow. Operation: Mindcrime. If they ever put a heavy metal album in the Louvre, this will be it without question.

There's a lot of superlatives that apply to Operation: Mindcrime, and it might take a while to get around to them all, but here's a few:

• Best Concept Album Ever
• Best Rock Opera Ever
• Most Artistic Heavy Metal Album Ever
• Most Artistic Mainstream Album of the past 30 years

Of course, that's just my opinion, but my opinion is the only one that really matters here.

I'm not going to go into the back story of Operation: Mindcrime as it is amply documented in many places all over the Internet. Suffice it to say, the story is incredibly dramatic, insightful and even introspective. Without intending to leave out the other incredible Rychers, Geoff Tate is absolutely stunning in his heartfelt vocals, and the indispensable Chris DeGarmo sets the mood of every song with his incredible guitar work. Sometime when you have an hour alone at home or on a roadtrip, just crank Operation: Mindcrime and listen to it good and loud, uninterrupted, all the way through from start to finish. Listen to the story and put yourself in the place of Nikki. Then see if you can keep tears from your eyes as Nikki laments what has become of his life in "Eyes of a Stranger." Good luck with that.

By the way I forgot at least one superlative:

• Best Rock Concert Ever
  

And on that note, I'm going to cheat a bit here and include Operation: LIVEcrime, the live recording of Operation: Mindcrime in concert, in its entirety, during the "Empire" tour. Queensryche in concert is simply amazing - one of the best live acts I've ever seen, and that's some pretty lofty company.

This album was originally released in 1991 and was incredibly exclusive and hard to find just a few years later. Fortunately Queensryche re-released it in about 2001. The live album is incredible, possibly better than the studio version. Just thinking of the incredible ovation at the end of "Eyes of a Stranger" gives me chills.

With the inclusion of this album, I have to add another best song, "Roads to Madness." The live version of this song is just raw power, and it is almost as though that song was meant to be on Mindcrime anyway - it fits right in to the story.


(Image Credits: amazon.com)

Who Will Win The Bowl Games

So, it is time for the predictions as to who will win the bowl games. At least the ones that matter. Not all bowl games matter. For example, bowl games like the Sugar, Orange, and Toilet matter. Bowl games like the EagleBank and Super do not. So here we go:

• Las Vegas Bowl - Whichever team Max Hall plays for. Yes, I know he attends BYU. But he sometimes plays for another team, like Utah.


• Poinsettia Bowl - TCU. Has Boise State really played anybody good this year?


• Car Care Bowl - West Virginia.


• Citrus Bowl - Florida State. Wisconsin was an also-ran in the Big 10, which is really not much of a compliment at all.


• Emerald Bowl - Cal. Home field advantage makes the difference.


• Alamo Bowl - Missouri. The Big 12 is to the Big 10 as Mozy is to Wal-Mart. Awesome vs. not awesome. Moving along.


• Holiday Bowl - Oklahoma State. The fourth-best team in the Big 12 South could be the conference champion in almost any other conference.


• Sun Bowl - Pitt. Oregon State continues to lament what could have been and loses again.


• Chick-Fil-A Bowl - Georgia Tech. This game is a tale of two teams going different directions. GT has the momentum.


• Citrus Bowl - Georgia. SEC vs. Big 10? Please.
  
• Rose Bowl - Penn State. Eh. Who knows if they will actually win. Maybe karma makes a difference in this one, in favor of good ol' Joe.


• Orange Bowl - Cincinnati.


• Cotton Bowl - Texas Tech. Not taking anything away from Ole Miss, but them beating Florida took a bit of luck. They wouldn't do it today. And they won't beat Texas Tech either.


• Liberty Bowl - Kentucky. C'mon. East Carolina isn't even a real state.


• Sugar Bowl - Alabama. Most Utah fans think the Utes will win. They have two reasons for believing this. One is that they are completely delusional. The other is that they haven't watched any other college teams besides Utah this year. Hey, I'd love Utah to win. I'd also like to win the lottery. But, like winning the lottery, it just ain't gonna happen.


• Fiesta Bowl - Texas. Texas beat Oklahoma this year. Ohio State beat, uh, Michigan.


• National Championship - Florida. This is a close, close game. Two really awesome teams. Florida's raw speed makes the difference.


• Toilet Bowl - In this marquis matchup between Western Kentucky and North Dakota Culinary & Drama College, ND C&D wins in a landslide for the third consecutive year. It's a bit sad, really - Utah State did so well this year that they did not get to go to this game again. Perhaps that is why they fired their head coach.

What do you think? Do you have a different opinion on these games? I'd really love* to hear about it. E-mail your opinions to i.am.a.doofus@i.disagree.with.the.halfbadboy.com and let me know if you hear back.

* not really

We Are Jerks. Or, How the Confrontation Went, in Alternate-Reality-Land

Ah, MLMs. Golden opportunities for average joes like you and me to work like crazy to make other people rich. But other than that, not much at all like a legitimate business.

The curse of Mozy is to rent office space next door to an MLM company. Granted, this is not too difficult in Utah County, MLM capital of the world. Still, it makes one wonder what evil the founder may have done for Mozy to be cursed so.

Us on the bottom floor of the new Mozy building have the distinct privilege of sharing the floor with an MLM company, whose name will be withheld here synergistically to protect them, where "privilege" is like unto the privilege that Braveheart experienced to be disemboweled in public as penitence for his sin of wanting to be left alone, much like us.


MLMs are built upon the premise of getting rich without having to do anything. Everything is about appearance and affluence with MLMs. As I type we've got people pulling up in their rented black Mercedes or BMW to come in to yet another open house and try to impress each other. These guys act like they own the whole building, because that is part of the image they are trying to put forth. They are right this moment holding yet another open house which consumes the entire main entrance and main entrance foyer. This is done without any announcement, let alone request for permission, to the other tenants in the building - certainly not those of us on the main floor who share the foyer, entryway, elevators and bathroom. In fact, they are the smallest tenant in the building, but they act like they own the whole thing.


So it is really no surprise, especially to those familiar with Mozy culture, that someone finally had enough the other day and posted a little 8 1/2 x 11 picture comparing regular MLM-style magic juice with "Mozy juice" in such manner that the people across the hall could read it, if they walked up close enough. It is true that the sign made reference to magic juice, special berries picked by monk children high in the mountains in the early morning, and pyramid schemes in general. It did not mention our neighbors by name or necessarily even imply that they were related at all.
Actually the sign is pretty funny.

So I walk out the door for the purpose of conducting natural personal waste removal, and I'm accosted by a representative of said neighbor, demanding in polite tone that I take the sign down. So from here on, I'm going to describe the confrontation, which proves that we are jerks, although I do freely admit that I may be making some of this up.

Neighbor Enraged, Requiring Discipline: Hey, I'd like you to please take that sign down, it is offensive.
Me: What sign?
NERD: (pointing to the sign) That sign you guys posted attacking our company. It is disrespectful and offensive. I don't know why you would put something like that up, and I would like you to take it down.
Me: Well, I wasn't even aware that the sign was there until just now. I don't even know what it says.
NERD: It is offensive to our company. I would take it down myself, but I can't because it is taped on the other side of a window and the door is locked.
Me: So, if the door wasn't locked, you would just walk into our part of the building and take it down? You believe that if the sign is offensive that gives you the right to walk into our part of the building, where we are creating and discussing trade secrets and intellectual property, and take the sign down because you don't like it?
NERD: Well, I would just like you to take it down.
Me: You have a pretty big display of stuff inside your office doors. Some of those displays might be offensive to me. Should I just walk in there and take down whatever offends me also?
NERD: No. Alright. I wouldn't just walk into your part of the building. Will you take the sign down please?
Me: Well, I didn't put the sign up. It would be presumptuous of me to assume I can just take it down without consulting with whomever put it up in the first place.
NERD: You mean you can't just take it down?
Me: No. I can communicate your temper tantrum within the company and see if whomever put it up wants to remove it.
NERD: I don't see why you can't just remove it. It's disrespectful.
Me: You know what is disrespectful? You guys, holding your big open houses in the foyer of the building all the time. You invite people in, you take over the entryway and the entire lobby, which are all public areas of the building, but you treat them like they belong only to you. You make it so we don't feel comfortable even using our own restroom or walking out our own front door.
NERD: Well, I'm really sorry we do that.
Me: No offense, but you are apologizing as a part of trying to get me to do you a favor. I have no way of knowing whether you really mean it or not.
NERD: I still don't understand why you won't just take the sign down.
Me: For reasons that I cannot explain and are really none of your business anyway, I'm not at liberty to just take down a sign that I didn't put up.
NERD: But that sign is offensive!
Me: That's an opinion. What about the sign exactly is offensive to you?
NERD: Well, it is making fun of our product.
Me: (reading briefly) It says here it is talking about "magic juice."
NERD: Yes, exactly.
Me: Do you sell magic juice?
NERD: No! Calling it "magic" is derogatory. We sell fruit-juice for health-conscious individuals that conveys special healing powers.
Me: How much is this juice?
NERD: $42.25 per bottle.
Me: So, your juice is not magic juice?
NERD: No!
Me: Okay. So it sounds to me like you charge over $40 for regular fruit juice, and that this sign doesn't apply to you. This sign is talking about magic juice. But you just sell atrociously expensive regular juice.
NERD: Um..
Me: Right?
NERD: Well, there's a phrase in that sign that talks about pyramid schemes designed to prey upon the naive and greedy.
Me: So?
NERD: That offends me.
Me: Is your business a pyramid scheme that preys upon the naive and greedy?
NERD: That's beside the point.
Me: No, it is the point. Either that phrase describes your business factually, or it doesn't describe you at all. Either way, you should not be offended.
NERD: Well, it IS offensive!
Me: Look, a statement saying that pyramid schemes prey upon the naive and greedy is a fact. it is like someone telling me, "Matt, your hair is going gray." That is a fact. There's no reason to be offended by that. If someone were to tell me, "Matt, your hair is turning pink," that also is not offensive, because it is not true. Either way, it's not offensive.
NERD: But...
Me: I think what you find "offensive" is not really offensive, but disconcerting. You're afraid the naive and greedy people that come in here to do business with you will find out the truth about your business. You're afraid they will find out they have been deceived, and that in fact the whole business model is based upon deceiving people.
NERD: (threatening) Now look here. You'd better get in there and take down that sign, or...

Just then, as he started vigorously towards me, I snapped my fingers. Around the corner walked a half-dozen large, smelly, long-haired guys dressed in black slacks, black shoes, white socks, and black Apple t-shirts. Yes - the Black Ponytails. Mice and keyboards started flailing about as the severe beatings began.

Suffice it to say, I thought we had an understanding. The broken tiles in the foyer were replaced this morning. Yet, today another open-house was held in the foyer. I may need to call those friends of mine again...

Quarterbacks Are Football Players Too, I Maintain

So far this weekend I've seen at least two different occasions I've seen this happen:  Quarterback drops back to pass - defensive lineman breaks free and closes in on the quarterback for the sack - quarterback executes a pump-fake - as the defensive lineman is wrapping up he notices the pump-fake and releases, thinking the quarterback has passed the ball - quarterback actually keeps the ball and completes a play for positive yardage, having avoided a sack - defensive lineman is left in the backfield shaking his head for the sack he almost had.

In fact, in one case this weekend, the lineman had the sack in the opponent's endzone - a certain safety imminent.  But he released the quarterback, who ended up making a play for positive yardage.  I am almost 100% sure that in both of these situations, the defensive lineman released because he was afraid of getting a personal foul for roughing the passer.

This is football we're talking about here.  Last I heard, it was a contact sport.  People get blocked, hit, and tackled.  It's a rough sport for tough guys.  This whole protecting the quarterback thing has gotten way out of hand.

Even Troy Aikman agrees with me.  He expressed this opinion recently during a game broadcast - that the rules to protect the quarterback are being too strictly enforced.  Now I like Troy Aikman, but that dude was a pretty-boy quarterback if there ever was one.  If he thinks the rule is too strict, then it is really too strict.

When it is having an affect on the game, like in the cases I mentioned this past weekend, it is way too much.  I know that pretty much all the decision-makers in both the NFL and in NCAA football read this blog all the time, looking for advice.  So here it is:  Let's set the expectation that quarterbacks have to be football players.  They have to be able to take a hit.  Let's keep protecting them, like other players, from unnecessary roughness, but let's stop taking special extremes to protect these guys, for the sake of a decent game.

Essential Albums: Alice in Chains "Jar of Flies"

Artist: Alice in Chains
Album: Jar of Flies
Year: 1994
Best Song You've Probably Heard: I Stay Away
Best Song You Might Not Have Heard: Rotten Apple

One day, years ago when I was living in Colorado, my old roommate Curtis called me from Atlanta to tell me that I needed to go and buy this album right away. For some odd reason I had strongly resisted the grunge movement during college so I never really had that collegiate-exploring-music time, a fact that I rather lament today. So I didn't already have any Alice in Chains music prior to Curtis's phone call. However, I took Curtis's advice and bought "Jar of Flies" soon thereafter. After all, Curtis also recommended that I read "Starship Troopers," so his advice carries merit to be sure.

"Jar of Flies" is what you get when great musicians cut loose to see what they are really, truly capable of, without restricting themselves to a genre. It is a true masterpiece. I took a stab at the song you might have heard, but the truth of it is, probably you've either heard the whole thing, because you own it already, or you haven't heard any of it.

The moods Jerry Cantrell can create with guitar are really incredible, but what Alice in Chains does best is harmony. They are able to come up with the most amazing harmony patterns that sound both unexpected and logical at the same time. Witness "Rotten Apple" or "No Excuses" to see what I mean.

Alice in Chains is a grunge band, but "Jar of Flies" is not really a grunge album - just seven songs worth of great music, and one I consider a definite must-have.



(Image credit: Amazon.com)

The Straight-Through-In-Alpha-Order-Music-Listening Experiment Update

So about a month ago I blogged about managing my MP3 collection, and at that same time I decided I should embark upon a journey wherein I would listen to my entire collection straight through, sorted in alphabetical order by band name and then album name. I've tweeted my status every so often, but probably most of you don't read my tweets, because your life is not completely lame.

So I thought I should let everyone know that after a month of listening to music at work, I've managed to make it through the A's and B's. Some people have asked, "Matt, how long do you think this is going to take?" And I've blindly answered, "Probably six or seven months." But so far it is looking a bit more like ten months, since I'm at about 700 songs of about 7150, give or take.

But, make no mistake, I simply cannot capture in words how much tremendous fun this experience is! WHOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!

Some other faithful readers have also asked me the following question: "Whoa, Matt. You are freaking awesome." To which I reply, "Thank you. However, I must point out that that is not a question."

EMC Forms Decho

EMC has created a new subsidiary company, named Decho. The new company was created from Mozy and Pi, so I'm a part of this new company. The name "decho" is derived from "digital echo," referring to your cloud-stored data as "your digital echo" in the cloud. Decho is a cloud-computing company.

So, Matt. What do you think of the new name?

Decho should be a really fun new venture. The competition is formidable - Google, Microsoft, Amazon, IBM, Apple - in fact, formidable is a bit of an understatement. But I do really believe that there is a market for a platform-neutral cloud computing solution that makes its money by keeping your data safe, secure, available, and private, and not by mining your data for other profit ventures.
I'm on the Decho train. I've done this ride before, and I have no reason to think anything other than that this will be at least as successful as the last fully-owned-subsidiary-spinout company I was a part of before in my career, named Volera.

Yes. What about the name?

Well, Mozy is already a very successful product. We have over 1 million customers, as I understand it, and we're continuing to grow.

Alright, but let's talk about Decho. What about the new name?

Yes, Mozy is a great place to work. We're in a brand new building, there are many very cool people there, and even Alen Peacock works there. We have our own Rock Band setup on a high-definition TV in the breakroom, which is generally stocked with a variety of snacks. And it is great to work on a product that you know is being used by people all over the world - and should be used by pretty much everyone.

The name! What about the name?

Mozy's technology is truly incredible. The backups happen pretty much automatically. The data is stored in a very safe and very secure fashion. You get unlimited backup for only $4.95 a month. What's not to like?

I'm asking about the name. What do you think of the name?

I really like the name. Mozy is a nice, short word, that means nothing, is hard to pronounce wrong, and just eminates the awesome. I'm totally on board the Decho train.

Not the Mozy name. The Decho name. What is your opinion of the name?

Err, what? What was that? Uh ... ok, sorry, I have to go now.

Programmers are Typists - And More

After reading Jeff Atwood's blog post "We Are Typists First, Programmers Second" on Coding Horror, I thought I'd better go see what my typing speed was.

I took the same online typing test that Jeff Atwood took, and managed to beat him:


We'd kinda hope that someone who writes software for a living could type with a reasonable speed. I'm curious to know if my mom, who types as part of her profession but is a non-programmer, could beat me.

Even more, I'm curious to know what my typing speed is when writing code. If you were to do a test like that, "mistakes" could be calculated by the number of syntax errors your code generates if you try to compile/run it. However, I'm not sure what a "word" would be, in calculating words per minute.

Surely your familiarity with the language would make a difference in your "speed." What I find a bit interesting about this discussion is that your typing speed in this case does not necessarily equate to your delivery speed.

For example, if you, like much of the computing world, are a Javahead, in my opinion you have a bit of baggage to overcome in order to attain a reasonable delivery speed. Java's mantra seems to be, "Why do something in one step when it can be done in two - or five?" Thus if you are a Java programmer, you've got some verbosity to overcome in order to attain productivity. Fast typing speed matters for you.

On the other hand, if you are a bit more sane and prefer a language like Python, the language is actually helping you out here. It is so easy to arrive at functional code in Python that perhaps the language makes up for typing shortcomings that a programmer might have.

What about a language like C? C is admittedly terse, but it doesn't do a lot for you because it is comparatively low-level. If you don't have libraries in hand to do what you need, writing them yourself kinda removes any advantage you may have gained because of the terseness of the language. Of course C is excellent based on other factors.

I do agree with the post though - typing is important to programmers. It is important for an additional reason - and that is because good software engineers should be expected to generate documentation - design documents, API documents, test cases, and SDK documents like tutorials and explanations of sample code. In short, there's a lot more typing to be done in a software engineer's job than just the typing of code.


Now, many of you are asking, so what does it mean if you type nearly 90 words per minute AND are not handicapped by a blind adoration for Java? What if you are a fast typist AND you prefer Python?
Well! That describes me quite clearly! And apparently, it means little. Sorry.

You Too Can Be A Formula One Steward!

In Formula One, it is apparently a requirement to change the rules every single year, in a substantial fashion, and also to provide levity and general entertainment for those of us who follow Formula One in spite of the silly governing body. I can't find any actual rule that supports this assertion; I only am claiming that it is a requirement by observation over time.

2009 is no exception, and the FIA has already released some of the new rules. One of my favorites has to do with the qualifications for stewards - effectively the equivalent of referees or officials. It says:

Any national steward participating who is officiating for the first time will be required to ‘observe’ a minimum of one Grand Prix prior to their event.

Wow. I would have thought it would require a little bit more familiarity with the sport than that. But apparently, if you have watched a Grand Prix race before in your lifetime, you qualify to be a Formula One steward. Excellent! This should help matters significantly.

I can imagine a similar rule in the NFL rulebook:

Any referee who is officiating for the first time will be required to 'observe' a minimum of one football game prior to their event.

That's right! We've had it with these referees who have never seen a football game before! From now on, we will only let people be referees if they have seen an actual football game before, at least one football game, sometime in their life!

New MacBook Pro - Mozy Loves Me

Mozy loves me. She bought me a present. I anxiously opened it, and when I looked inside the first thing I saw was "Designed by Apple in California."


Yes, Mozy bought me a new MacBook Pro. Like I said, Mozy loves me. It is obvious that she wants my body, totally.

So I'm setting up the new MacBook as I speak - er, type. I'm borrowing another MacBook to do this blog posting, because I cannot bear the thought of sitting here waiting without being able to use either my new MacBook Pro or my Mac Pro workstation while the Migration Assistant is transferring files:


As you can see, I still have over an hour to wait. Anyone who knows me knows I get bored so easily that there is no way I can wait that long. So I'm borrowing this other laptop in the meantime.

By the way, did you know that the new MacBook Pro bodies are made with a single piece of aluminum? It's true. These are naturally occurring chunks of aluminum mined straight out of the ground in the shape of a laptop. They are very rare; it is no wonder Apple had to wait so long to produce laptops this way. Anyway, each should be considered a treasure, because who knows how many naturally-occurring laptop-shaped pieces of aluminum there are in the world - certainly the supply is limited.

However, the truly best part about this gift is that I should be able to avoid run-ins with the Black Ponytails next year at WWDC, since in reality I just borrowed that other MacBook long enough to get those guys off my back and spare my own life.

Yes, it is obvious, Mozy is totally in love with me. I'm holding out, though. I've got hand in this relationship. I'm holding out for an iPhone. I'm not ready to commit to a steady relationship, but if she really and truly loves me, she'll buy me an iPhone, and then it might be time to start "going steady," if you know what I mean.

Mozy Commercials

The new Mozy commercials are on YouTube now, and I think they are pretty great. Nicely done iJustine.

Mozy's New Office

Here at Mozy we just moved to a new office location, about one mile south of where we used to be, which is closer to home. So every day I drive about two minutes less than I used to - hooray!

Actually we moved a few weeks ago. The last time this happened to me was when I worked at Volera, when we moved from Novell Provo campus to a new Volera building right about spin-off time. Then a week after Volera moved, they laid off 10% of the workforce. So I thought maybe I should wait to blog about the move. Then I remembered, "Wait a minute! Volera sucked! Mozy doesn't suck - Mozy is awesome!" Fear abated.*

Anyway, the new digs are great, and I was committed to not be so superficial as to allow the nicer new building to affect my morale, but I failed. I believe it now - a nicer environment really can help make your employees happier.

So when you walk into Mozy's front door, this is what you see.
We rent office space in this building along with a couple of other tenants. The Mozy lobby is actually on the second floor. Take the elevators ahead at the right to get there. But my office is just through those doors on the left. Mozy rents about 1/3 of the building.
What is to the right? I'm sorry but I cannot say. It isn't because it is a secret - it is because I refuse to promote them out of principle. The Mozy curse is that we must always rent office space next door to an MLM company, which is not that hard to do in Utah county. Anyway, I don't really want to talk about it, it is a bit annoying and embarrassing.

Here is the Mozy lobby, upstairs on the second floor. Walk through that door to get to the receptionist's desk. She knows everything.

Conference rooms at Mozy are named after famous superheroes, like Gambit, whoever that is. Also notice the world's longest whiteboard. That's right - here at Mozy we are the current world record holders for "world's longest whiteboard." If I remember correctly, it is somewhere around 787,500 feet long.

One thing you may not have known before - the world famous Alen Peacock works for Mozy. That alone should convince you to sign up. As proof I present this photo of Alen Peacock in action:

Finally, a snapshot of my office. I mean, cubicle.
These, we are told, are some of the nicest cubicles money can buy. To which I say, "Yes, but they are still cubicles." But I do have a hard time complaining about the 8-core Mac Pro, 24" widescreen monitor, or the Herman Miller Celle chair. Likewise, it is hard to complain about the three Ferraris to the left or the awesome Skullcandy Skullcrusher headphones. Of course, all that stuff belongs to me anyway.


*I wasn't really worried about Mozy, I was just kidding around. I don't speak on behalf of Mozy, I just think it is a great place to work. All that stuff was just a joke. Except the part about Volera.

Trying To Convice Myself That Ferrari != Happiness

It is said that possessions alone do not make you happy. This is true; sometimes you find the happiness through other people's possessions instead.

Another common belief about money is that the love of money is the root of all evil. This is also true - you should not love your money.

What you should do is give your money to Ferrari, in exchange for an F430. Or, make friends with someone who has a Ferrari, so their possessions can make you happy instead.

If you are like me, and you just can't find anyone with a Ferrari to be friends with (or, can't hide the superficiality of pretending to want to be friends with someone who has one already), the next best thing is to make friends with someone like Kyle who has a friend that will loan him his Ferrari F430 for the day in order to help Kyle complete his Halloween costume of "a successful person."

And then, of course, you have to be selected for a ride. Gratefully Kyle stopped by my cube first thing after he got to work this morning and asked if I wanted to go for a ride. When I looked at him, he showed the Ferrari key, completing the thought. A ride in a Ferrari? Is there really any other answer to that question than an emphatic "Of course!"?

When I walked outside this is what I found - a beautiful silver-gray Ferrari F430 Spider:

We got in, carefully, and gingerly - getting in is a bit of a feat, especially if you are 6'2". Kyle inserted the key, then pressed the starter button and that wonderful 480hp Ferrari V8 roared to life. We slowly pulled out of the parking lot here at Mozy and then onto the freeway.

If I had one of these, I might just drive it onto the freeway all day long, just pulling off so I could pull back on again.

This car is incredible. I must have said that ten times during the drive. The seats were incredibly comfortable; the side bolsters securely hold you in place, so much so that when going through corners you don't even feel the lateral g forces. The car is firmly planted on the road with no body roll through corners. And hearing that Ferrari V8 climb through the gears as you click them off with the paddle shifter - wow.

We cruised along the freeway at what felt like a crawl but was actually around 80 mph.

If you look closely you can see that we are well below the 8500 rpm redline, but at near redline for most normal cars. The engine sounds so nice you just can't think of shifting to a lower gear.

Oh, that black rectangle in the dash, pictured in the lower right corner? Yeah, that is the stereo. You don't really use that thing in a Ferrari - it muffles the sound system in back, pictured here:


You can see the cool air ducts in this rear view mirror shot at speed, and even some of the jealous people around us on the freeway. When you are in a Ferrari, everyone else on the road is jealous.

We're doing about 90 here, hoping to not find any cops. If I had this car, I don't know how I would possibly avoid getting a ticket. It is so easy to take it up over 90; this car gets there before you know it, without even thinking about it. And it doesn't even feel like you are going fast, other than the fact that you are blowing by everyone else on the road.

After leaving the freeway we went down into town to return to work via this nice curvy road called Pleasant Grove Boulevard. Speed limit on Pleasant Grove Boulevard is 40. We were taking those curves at 80 without even thinking about it. It didn't even feel like we were pushing it at all. Simply amazing.

Um, yeah. That plaque says "28 Formula 1 World Titles."


I didn't get to drive this car myself. Oh, I wanted to. But it wasn't loaned to me, it was loaned to Kyle. There's no way I'd even ask. Besides, even just getting to ride in it was awesome, and enough.
Still, here's a picture of me wearing a Ferrari. I think it looks pretty good on me.



That does it. Someday, someday...