Thursday, August 24, 2006

The Ultimate Office Layout

Recently at work, a mail thread has been going around about the "Ultimate Office Layout" for software developers, which basically consists of some hogwash about how much better it is to stick all the developers together in one large room, with tables instead of desks, so they can interrupt - er, I mean, collaborate with each other whenever they feel like it.

BS, I say. This is a ploy by subtle managers to convince their engineers that this is the great, new way for a better workspace. They do this by using words like "collaboration" and "productivity." In reality, it is a scheme to control the employee populace by making it so they can be observed all the time. Hey, why not make us stand up all day long? And program using Commodore PETs? Why not display the contents of my monitor up on a large screen where everyone can see? Why not make me only use the telephone if it is on speaker?

Ugh. I don't buy into it. Good engineers know how to work well and they don't need some new-age high-productivity layout to do it - and lousy ones will be lousy regardless. Fortunately, my employer has not bought into this garbage. Yet.

But they might need some counterpoints, some ideas with which to refute this nonsense. Thus, I present to you, the ultimate office. Please pardon the crude drawing.



Description of The Ultimate Office:
1. The primary monitor - a 100" screen from a front-projection monitor in the ceiling near the center of the room.
2. The secondary monitor - another 100" screen like the first.
3. Center 7.1 surround channel - two 6 1/2" woofers and one 1" horn tweeter.
4. 7.1 surround satellites (left and right) - one 6 1/2" woofer and one 1" horn tweeter.
5. Media cabinet with PCs and media server, 7.1 surround sound receiver and amplifiers, audio mixer.
6. 7.1 rear satellites (left and right) - one 6 1/2" woofer and one 1" horn tweeter.
7. 7.1 rear speakers (left and right) - two 6 1/2" woffers and one 1" horn tweeter.
8. Recliner/office chair.
9. Primary work space.
10. Whiteboard discussion/meeting space.
11. Love seat (preferably leather).
12. Sofa (again, leather).
13. Microwave.
14. Refrigerator.
15. Kitchenette w/ sink.
16. Round table for meetings.
17. Door - solid wood, with no windows, that closes.
18. Very large whiteboard.
19. Light dimmer switch.
20. Bookcase.

Oh yeah. I can see myself getting a lot of work done in a place like that, for sure.