The Ultimate Office Layout

Recently at work, a mail thread has been going around about the "Ultimate Office Layout" for software developers, which basically consists of some hogwash about how much better it is to stick all the developers together in one large room, with tables instead of desks, so they can interrupt - er, I mean, collaborate with each other whenever they feel like it.

BS, I say. This is a ploy by subtle managers to convince their engineers that this is the great, new way for a better workspace. They do this by using words like "collaboration" and "productivity." In reality, it is a scheme to control the employee populace by making it so they can be observed all the time. Hey, why not make us stand up all day long? And program using Commodore PETs? Why not display the contents of my monitor up on a large screen where everyone can see? Why not make me only use the telephone if it is on speaker?

Ugh. I don't buy into it. Good engineers know how to work well and they don't need some new-age high-productivity layout to do it - and lousy ones will be lousy regardless. Fortunately, my employer has not bought into this garbage. Yet.

But they might need some counterpoints, some ideas with which to refute this nonsense. Thus, I present to you, the ultimate office. Please pardon the crude drawing.



Description of The Ultimate Office:
1. The primary monitor - a 100" screen from a front-projection monitor in the ceiling near the center of the room.
2. The secondary monitor - another 100" screen like the first.
3. Center 7.1 surround channel - two 6 1/2" woofers and one 1" horn tweeter.
4. 7.1 surround satellites (left and right) - one 6 1/2" woofer and one 1" horn tweeter.
5. Media cabinet with PCs and media server, 7.1 surround sound receiver and amplifiers, audio mixer.
6. 7.1 rear satellites (left and right) - one 6 1/2" woofer and one 1" horn tweeter.
7. 7.1 rear speakers (left and right) - two 6 1/2" woffers and one 1" horn tweeter.
8. Recliner/office chair.
9. Primary work space.
10. Whiteboard discussion/meeting space.
11. Love seat (preferably leather).
12. Sofa (again, leather).
13. Microwave.
14. Refrigerator.
15. Kitchenette w/ sink.
16. Round table for meetings.
17. Door - solid wood, with no windows, that closes.
18. Very large whiteboard.
19. Light dimmer switch.
20. Bookcase.

Oh yeah. I can see myself getting a lot of work done in a place like that, for sure.

My Ears Are Ringing

Okay, not really. I mean, not anymore. But my voice is still gone. I saw Journey and Def Leppard last night in concert, with Amber, Greg, and Stephanie, and it was KILLER.

Journey opened. I'd seen them before, a couple of years ago. Journey is a great live act. Don't go expecting a bunch of touchy-feely heart-melting love songs, though. You'll get a couple of them, but Journey live is a first-class arena rock concert. I have to say that Jeff Scott Soto, filling in for Steve Augeri at lead vocals, did an outstanding job. Journey was awesome, leaving some big shoes for Def Leppard to fill - which they almost did, but not quite.

Still, Def Leppard live is a fantastic experience. There is something really magical and polished about their delivery, with each song feeling like it's own unique showpiece, produced to an exacting method. This does have the effect of causing it almost to feel NOT like a concert. I'd never seen Def Leppard before, and it was really awesome.

Best songs of the night:
Star-Spangled Banner (Neal Schon - Journey)
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' (Journey)
Lights (Journey)
Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
Escape (Journey)
Chain Reaction (Journey)
Separate Ways (Journey)
Let It Go (Def Leppard)
Hysteria (Def Leppard)
Rocket (Def Leppard)
Photograph (Def Leppard)
Armageddon It (Def Leppard)
Rock Of Ages (Def Leppard)

Best song of the night - Rock Of Ages. Hands down. That song was MEANT to be played live.


And to think - I could have been at LinuxWorld, heading a Birds of a Feather session. Hmm. Sorry, but I'll take the concert any day. Thanks, Journey and Def Leppard, for giving me a reason to not go. And to that poor sucker who had to go instead of me - well, thanks too.

Pastrana Flips Twice - At The Same Time

In case you hadn't heard, Travis Pastrana made history at the 2006 Summer X-Games when he pulled of the first-ever double back flip in freestyle MX competition.

He also made history by riding his motorcycle without injuring himself, although he apparently did blow his knee out later by walking on it.

You can't help but like Travis, but at the same time he has been a pretty big disappointment. The 2000 125cc AMA National Champion and 2001 125cc AMA Supercross Champion could have had a huge impact in Supercross. He could have continued what McGrath started, taking the popularity of Supercross to a new level, because of his great personality and riding skill. Instead, he is so distracted by so many other things, like freestyle MX, that we'll never know what could have been.

Still, if you haven't seen this video, you'd better give it a look. It's pretty awesome.

(Head on over to expn.go.com for more X-Games videos.)

Rules for Driving

Well, since I gave you the rules for parking, I thought I probably ought to also supply the rules for driving. Like the rules for parking, if you are a half bad boy, you already know these rules.

By the way, I wish to assert the belief that anyone who drives stupidly and thus causes road rage that escalates into a tragic circumstance shares some of the responsibility. No, I don't know if I really believe that.

1. Don't speed in residential areas. Hey, there are kids at play. Do I really need to explain this one? Nobody thinks you are a stud for speeding through the neighborhood. Mostly, we think you are a jerk.
2. Pay attention to the speed limit - and drive it. Nothing causes me more road rage than someone who isn't driving the speed limit, blocking traffic.
3. The left lane is for passing. Not simple cruising. This is mostly for people in Colorado who suffer from CDD. Hey, Coloradans - get out of the fast lane!
4. Know where you are going before you leave. This might seem obvious but if you have ever driven a car in Utah or Idaho you know that it is not. People will be driving down the road, two lanes each way, in the right lane, and suddenly decide they need to turn left. Right now. Did they forget where they were going? Or did they just decide?
5. Driving is not a contest. If someone passes you, it is not a personal attack. Really.
6. Don't make unprotected left turns across heavy traffic. This is how accidents happen. Turn right and go the "long way." You'll find it is probably actually quicker. (BTW, "unprotected" = "lacking a traffic sign or light that gives you right of way.")
7. Horsepower is a safety feature. It gets you out of trouble in a pinch. So floor that sucker! When the light changes, get a move on! We're waiting back here.
8. Your car is a reflection of your personality. You drive a Citroen 2CV? I don't know what to say about you.
9. If you have an awesome stereo, you can listen to whatever you want as loudly as you like.
10. When you are done driving and get home, park in the garage. The garage is not a big storage shed for all your crap. If you can't fit your car in the garage, get rid of some crap. Yes, I know this sounds like a rule for parking. It kind of crosses over.

Rules for Parking

If you are a half bad boy, you already probably know the rules for parking. But you might be an aspiring half bad boy; a half bad boy in training; a padowan learner. Fear not, aspiring youth. Read on, and you will know how to park like a true half bad boy.

1. The enemy of a good spot is the perfect spot. Are you one of those people who agonizes over trying to determine the absolute closest spot available? Stop it - you are embarrassing the rest of us. Just pick a spot and park. Who cares if it is an extra 50 feet from the door? You could use the exercise.
2. Don't wait for people. Unless the parking lot really is empty, don't wait for people to vacate a spot. Now, I'm not talking about failing to yield to people who are actually backing out when you get there. I'm talking about sitting there, blocking traffic with your turn signal on, waiting for them to get into their car and leave. If you had just taken that spot about 100 feet ahead, you would already be in the building by now. You are wasting everyone's time.
3. Prefer a spot in front of the door - even if it is not the closest. Why is this? Simple - you will always know where your car is without having to remember.
4. Park correctly. This means parking straight, within the spot, not obstructing traffic or other parking efforts, etc. People will judge you by your parking prowess - at least, I will (you lame-parker, you). Oh, and another thing - only one spot per car, please. Only experienced half bad boys know the intricacies of how to get away with quad-parking. Leave that to the experts.
5. Exceptions for really dope rides. You have an H2? Really? Or a blinged-out Escalade on 22s? Or a Ferrari? Man, you are a half bad boy. You can park wherever you want.

How to Play Sim Survivor

I figured since I mentioned Sim Survivor last time, I should tell you how to play.

It is really quite easy.

1. Create a new family with eight people in it. We would do more than eight but families can only have eight people in them.
2. Start a game with this family in a home that you will build.
3. When you build the home, focus only on exterior walls. The home should have a fridge inside and a front door. Carpet, wallpaper, furniture, bathroom, beds - all optional.
4. When the home is built, get everyone to go inside the home. Then pause the game and remove the door.
5. The game is on! Eventually you will run out of money and there will be no food in the fridge.
6. The last person still alive is the winner. Enter the cheat code to give them $1M, and then give them some food - fast!
7. Now that they have won, they can blow their $1M on crap, just like the winners of real Survivor do.

Some considerations:

• The spartan game (empty rectangular house with a single fridge) is interesting enough, but adding some creature comforts, like a toilet, one or two beds, or a couch can make things more interesting. This way, some of the Sims will be more rested than others, more happy, etc.
• Building a smaller house increases the likelihood of unhappiness. Not only are people more likely to be standing (and sleeping) in trash and filth, but they are more likely to get in fights. If you are lucky, some of the contestants will give up and quit the game. They will also try in vain to leave.
• For added zest, include a very junky stove. Odds are pretty good that they will start a fire, and with no front door for the firemen to enter, you have to hope it will just burn itself out. This is a good way to expedite the reduction in contestants, although it sometimes you end up with no winner of the game (for example, the Sims sometimes get so sleepy, that they can't help but fall asleep right in the middle of the fire).
• You will find that the neighbors come by to meet the new move-ins, and will die of starvation trying to find the door. If you care whether the others in your game survive, you may have to intervene in creative ways.
• The winner of the game may find his/her home haunted with the ghosts of the losers in the aftermath.

Have fun, and remember - it isn't true life.

What's In A Good Computer Game?

Is it really so hard to create a really good computer game?

One of my favorite computer games of all time is Microsoft's Motocross Madness 2. Now I'm not a big fan of Microsoft - in fact, in most cases I consider them to be at the same time a fascinating phenomenon and a necessary evil - but they did a lot of things right with MCM2.

If you aren't familiar, MCM2 is a motocross racing game. Although I do truly enjoy racing games, there are a few key things that make this game special.
The track builder is the biggest thing. Microsoft made available the Armadillo track editor, which admittedly is a pretty poor piece of software. But enough people have figured out how to use this thing well enough to create some amazing tracks. For example, you can download literally hundreds of different tracks, including replicas of almost every track on the AMA Motocross circuit, as well as replicas of supercross tracks from past series. This alone makes the game. Why is it that almost no other racing games offer this feature?
Skins are another big thing. In fact, I went through the work to create a skin that looks an awful lot like my very own 1998 KX 250 with the Factory Effex graphics kit. I have another skin that looks an awful lot like my own Thor Core 5 gear. So, yes, I can play myself, on my own KX 250, flying down Mt. St. Helen at Glen Helen if I wish. This way, I only virtually break my collarbone, again.
I first bought this game in 2001 and I am still playing it. If you can find a copy, you can usually get it for pretty cheap (I'm seeing them on eBay right now for less than $10). Personally, I wouldn't sell you my copy for $100. I'm still improving, too. For example, after I thought I had the game mastered, I realized that you can actually seat-bounce off the jumps. Yes, you do really go farther if you do it right.

The price point, the replay capability, and the variety afforded by the skins and the track editor is what makes this game.

Oh, and one more thing: The ability to go anywhere in the level I want to, not just on the track. Sure, you have to go into practice mode, but at least you can ride the track backwards, or go anywhere else for that matter.

Let's compare to another racing game I have, NASCAR Thunder 2003 for GameCube. There are a lot of available tracks, but I cannot create new ones. Skinning options are limited. And, no driving backwards on the track!
When the newer version came out, I went into the local game store and asked the salesperson about it.
"It's a pretty good game," he said.
"Hmm," I replied. "Can you drive backwards on the track?"
He looked at me pretty funny. "Uh, no. Why would you want to do that?"
"Because it is fun," I said.
What is wrong with these people?
Sure, sometimes I want to race for real, and see how well I can do. And sometimes, I want to start the race, turn around, and race backwards, and see how spectacularly I can crash head-on into the oncoming traffic.

It seems like the game making folks forget this. A computer game is meant to be an alternate reality. It isn't true life. In true life, Chad Reed doesn't race my KX 250 on a track of my own design, but in MCM2 he does, whenever I want him to. In true life, I'm much too chicken to seek out hostile aliens armed only with a crowbar, but I dare do it in Half-Life. And in true life, I would never dream of driving the wrong direction on the road into oncoming traffic, for a myriad of reasons. But it is pretty fun to do in a computer game.
At least, I assume it would be, if EA hadn't been so dumb as to disallow it in NASCAR Thunder.

This is why The Sims is a popular game, and why it is fun - but only if you play it right. Most people I know who play The Sims try to play it the "correct" way. Playing the correct way goes like this:

• Get up in the morning when you are still tired
• Skip breakfast so you can be to work on time
• Spend all day at work
• Come home and eat
• Have a brief moment of enjoyment before you have to go to bed
• Rinse and repeat

Gee, that sounds just like real life. You know what - I do that routine every day. Why would I want to play a game that is just like my real life? Yuck!

Now, when you use the cheat codes, the game becomes fun! Ctrl+Shift+C will open a command box where you can type "klapaucius" or "rosebud" (depending on the version you have) to increase your bank balance. Instead of working every day in order to sleep in a tiny house, you can play all day long in a mansion! You can build an indoor pool! You can play basketball in the house! You can put a full-size jacuzzi in your bedroom! You can hire a maid to clean up after you! See? Alternate reality!
This is also really the only way you can find the time to quickly create meaningful relationships with multiple people. If you want to create Sim soap operas this is a necessity. For example, you can get several of the girls across the street to fall in love with you, or you can pick a fight with your neighbor, and then trap him in a room with no door for as long as it takes. Hey, he should be nicer to you in your own house.
This cheat code is also an absolute necessity if you are going to play Sim Survivor.

It's too bad that you have to contort the game in order to make it fun. Did they forget what normal people do all the time? Did they forget that a computer game is supposed to be an alternate reality, not a depressing reminder of how lame your real life is?

This is why MCM2 is a great game. Playing it the way it was intended to be played means that you can do whatever you want. Sure, ride your motorcycle down that ski jump if you want to. Make your own supercross track with whoops that are 50 feet high, just to see what happens. Or make a rhythm section that can only be done quickly in exactly one way, if you seat bounce the section in the middle. And for only $10. Highly recommended.

If you do pick it up, which you should if you don't already have it, you will want the following two links:

• MCM Factory
• Twisted Dirt
  

You can download a lot of great tracks, rider skins, and bike skins from these locations.

AMA Superbike at MMP - Hopefully the First of Many

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend the AMA Superbike event at the brand-new Miller Motorsports Park in Tooele, Utah. AWESOME.

The new track at MMP is sweet. Rave reviews were given by pretty much everyone who was asked. The fast, wide track, extensive runoff areas, and amenities make it the new standard by which American road courses will be judged. Hey, don't just take my word for it. I think it was Jake Zemke who said, "It is nice to finally have a world-class road racing facility in the United States." Most comparisons I heard were not to other road courses in America, but to Formula One courses around the world, which represent the cream of the crop when it comes to racing venues.

Congratulations, Larry Miller, on creating an awesome racing venue. Hopefully you can get the support you deserve to keep the events coming.

As for the event itself, well, the AMA Superbike event was the first ever sanctioned race at the new MMP, and in one of the best races of the year, Ben Spies managed to pull out yet another victory over Mat Mladin and Ben Bostrom. It was SUH-WEET.

Of course, visiting the vendor area is part of the appeal of these events, and this one was no exception. I was surprised at how small the vendor area was, but I expect that it will be bigger next year.

Here's some pictures:


Here's a picture of me standing next to a sweet MV Agusta. Oh, yeah. Italian motorcycles.



Here's a brand-new Triumph Daytona 675. Cycle World is raving about this bike, calling it the best middleweight sportbike available today. Oh, yeah. British motorcycles.



Here's a picture of me standing behind Ben Bostrom's racing Ducati, or at least a replica of it. Oh, yeah. Italian motorcycles again.



Finally - the start of the AMA Superbike race. Yes, these people really are insane. They are taking that corner at, oh, let's say 90 mph.

Some Rich People are Still Stupid - But I'd Rather Be Smart

Just because you are smart doesn't mean you will be rich - and just because you are stupid doesn't mean you can't be rich. As evidence we need look no farther than this article which tells how Ben Roethlisberger recently crashed while riding his 2005 Suzuki Hayabusa. Without a helmet.

Riding a motorcycle without a helmet is stupid.


This story hits home to me because my father, who is smart but not rich, was also recently injured in a motorcycle accident. My father has been riding motorcycles for over forty years. I have never known him to be injured in any way in a motorcycle accident prior to this one. In fact, I don't think he's ever even received a traffic citation during all of that time.


He was taking a corner on a highway at a very reasonable 25 miles per hour. Who knows exactly what happened next. Apparently, the front tire lost traction as the bike high-sided and threw my dad into the rocks that were piled next to the side of the highway.


Here's what happened:

• Broken right ulna near the wrist, and multiple fractures to right radius near the wrist, requiring surgical repair
• Broken left humerus and severely dislocated left elbow with ligament and tendon damage, requiring surgical repair
• Broken left tibia and fibula beneath the knee, and torn left patellar tendon, requiring surgical repair
• Broken left ankle in multiple locations, requiring surgical repair
• Burst fracture to fourth thoracic vertebra, which has not required surgical repair - yet

He is in the midst of a two-month stint of laying on his back, waiting for the bones to heal, and meanwhile not ever getting up - EVER.


Here's what didn't happen: He didn't die. He didn't split his head open and die. Because he's not stupid.

For those of you that are stupid: Can you see the scratches on this helmet here? The impact cut entire sections out of the shell. Some of those scratches, like those more horizontal ones on the side, are about 1/8 of an inch deep. The impact was so hard, it burst the face shield completely off the helmet.

I love this helmet. Without this helmet, my dad would now be dead.

If you are stupid, like Ben Roethlisberger, it is time for you to wise up. You might be a great rider. Unfortunately, it isn't always about you. You might be riding properly until you get cut off by some idiot driver in an SUV. Or you might be involved in some freak accident, high-siding into the rocks unexpectedly while going carefully around a corner at only 25 miles per hour. Don't be stupid.

A Supercross Season for the Ages

My son and I just got back from maybe the best sporting event I will ever attend - the 2006 Las Vegas Supercross.


Now this is no small thing. I was in the audience in Logan, Utah when Utah State University upset Brigham Young by the score of 58-56 in football. It was against the rules in that game to play defense. Oh yes, that game rocked.

I should say, it rocked, unless you have the sorry lot of being a BYU fan - but then, if you were, you wouldn't be reading this blog. This blog is for half bad boys, not sissy pansy-waists. As anyone knows, if you wish to attend BYU, you must agree to adhere to the code of conduct, part of which reads, "I vow to consider myself superior to everyone else," and another part which reads, "I disavow myself from ever being a half bad boy; rather, I vow to be a sissy pansy-waist."
If you ARE a BYU fan and happened to arrive here by accident, I apologize. I recommend you try http://self-righteous-sissy-pansy-waists.blogspot.com/. That is probably where you meant to go anyway.


Another great sporting event right after BYU's guard tandem of Randy and Robby Reid were featured in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. No, they were actually featured for their supposed basketball prowess, not for being sissy pansy-waists. Although it was later said of them, "The two biggest boobs in this year's SI Swimsuit Issue are Randy and Robby Reid."

Anyway, BYU came to Logan where a complete unknown point guard named Roddie Anderson completely schooled the Reids for 40 minutes as USU routed BYU by like 20 points.


Amazingly, many of my great sporting moments revolve around USU upsetting BYU.


But I digress. As I said, I took my son to the 2006 Las Vegas Supercross, where Chad Reed and Ricky Carmichael came into the event tied for the lead in points with James Stewart only 5 points back. The buildup was awesome and so was the racing. In the Supercross class main event, it all came down to the start. Chad was the fastest of the night, but it was only by tenths. By the end of lap two, Stewart had a 3 second lead on Carmichael, who had a 3 second lead on Reed, and that is how it ended.

I was disappointed, sure, because Chad didn't pull it off. But in true Chad Reed style, he was gracious, appreciative of the opportunity, respectful of the other two champions, a good sport, and above all, he remembered to thank his wife Ellie.


And I got to experience it all with my son. Nope, I'll never forget that one for sure.