After some time they started letting us in to the building as we progressed through the various waiting locations. When we entered the building, everyone had to stop and kiss the bronze bust of Steve in the lobby entryway. I was reluctant, in part because it seemed a bit zealous, and in part because by the time I got there it was already dripping in saliva. But everyone was doing it so I just gave in.
It was at this point I saw some guys not far ahead of us in line. One of them happened to look back right as I offered what must have been an obviously obligatory, insincere kiss to the bust of Steve. He glared at me and then started whispering to his friends.
They all looked roughly the same: Each was quite substantially overweight; each wore black cotton slacks with a black belt and a black t-shirt that declared devotion to Apple in some way; each wore black shoes with white socks. Each had long hair pulled back into a ponytail, with a smattering of dandruff scattered notably on their shoulders. Each carried a laptop bag and an iPhone. I smiled weakly as he pointed me out to the other five or so in his little group. They just glared back at me.
Just then the line started moving. They left me alone as the line progressed. Here you can see a picture of all the people less devoted than we were:
Our group rustled our way up the stairs as we drew ourselves closer and closer to that mecca known as Presidio. It is admittedly hard to walk quietly when you are wearing a sanitary undergarment for the relief of incontinence. Personally, being a n00b, I had chosen not to wear one, failing to see the need. But the others felt it necessary; who knew what would happen at the keynote?!?Finally, after hours of waiting, we arrived!
We were really inside the WWDC Keynote! And, we could almost see the stage from where we were. Those around me struggled to contain their emotions as the starting time approached, while I struggled to locate a place where I could get a snack.
Finally, Steve Jobs himself walked out onto the stage. Many thoughts filled my brain, such as, "His voice is a lot higher-pitched than I imagined." Everyone managed to maintain control until he announced the new price of the iPhone: only $199. People all around me burst into tears and into their sanitary undergarments as the room filled with a grateful chorus: "Thank you, Steve! Oh, thank you!"
I was also pleased; the new iPhone was only 1/2 as unaffordable to me as it was before. In fact, I began to feel some inklings of devotion to Apple plant themselves into my heart. It made me nervous, so I quickly uprooted these tiny seedlings. Still, I was oddly feeling compelled to purchase a brand new MacBook Pro, so I would have something to put into the laptop bag I had been given at conference registration.
I walked back to the hotel amidst the rustling throng of exuberant, delighted conference attendees. Each emanated a happy smile from their face and the smell of byproduct from their nether-regions. It made me glad that they were so happy. Then I caught site of the Black Ponytails again. They glared at me as I walked by. Perhaps they could detect a distinct lack of rustle as I walked? Perhaps they could detect the distinct lack of odor wafting out behind me? Perhaps they could tell that I took a shower that morning? Whatever it was, apparently I was not fooling anyone. I tried to ignore them as I walked by, but I'm looking over my shoulder now.
